Post by brassmonkey on Feb 13, 2009 15:04:57 GMT -5
> Why We Love Children !
>
> 1) NUDITY
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
> a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
> stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
> shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>
> 2) OPINIONS
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
> from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
> are not necessarily those of his parents."
>
> 3) KETCHUP
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
> the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
> She's hitting the bottle."
>
> 4) MORE NUDITY
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
> locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
> ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
> little boy before?"
>
> 5) POLICE # 1
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
> my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
> writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
> the police.
> Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said
> as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
>
> 6) POLICE # 2
> It was the end of a long day when I parked my police van in front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
> and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back
> there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
> me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he
> do?"
>
> 7) ELDERLY
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
> people, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
> She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
> staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
> for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
> whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
>
> 8) DRESS-UP
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
> her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
> suit."
> "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache
> the next morning "
>
> 9) DEATH
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
> heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
> box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
> of the deceased.
> The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
> always
> said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the
> hole he goooes."
>
> 10) SCHOOL
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
> wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
> and they won't let me talk!"
>
> 11) BIBLE
> A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
> fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
> Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
> old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
> found," the boy called out. " What have you got there, dear?" With
> astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
> underwear."
>
>
> 1) NUDITY
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
> a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
> stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
> shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>
> 2) OPINIONS
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
> from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
> are not necessarily those of his parents."
>
> 3) KETCHUP
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
> the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
> She's hitting the bottle."
>
> 4) MORE NUDITY
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
> locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
> ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
> little boy before?"
>
> 5) POLICE # 1
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
> my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued
> writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
> the police.
> Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said
> as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
>
> 6) POLICE # 2
> It was the end of a long day when I parked my police van in front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
> and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back
> there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
> me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he
> do?"
>
> 7) ELDERLY
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
> people, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
> She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
> staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
> for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
> whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
>
> 8) DRESS-UP
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
> her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
> suit."
> "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache
> the next morning "
>
> 9) DEATH
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
> heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
> box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal
> of the deceased.
> The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
> always
> said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the
> hole he goooes."
>
> 10) SCHOOL
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
> wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
> and they won't let me talk!"
>
> 11) BIBLE
> A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
> fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
> Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
> old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
> found," the boy called out. " What have you got there, dear?" With
> astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
> underwear."
>
